Please read my script and revise it. I request you because I like your writing before and it got a good grade.
Here's my problem
1. The dialogs are too much, there need more descriptions for the actions of characters to imply the actions.
2. The ending is too quick and is not so good, you may come up with a more creative one
3. What's the Steve wants/ what his goal could be more clear.
4. The relationship between Steve and Jane could be more clear
5. you can rewrite whatever you want, we can talk